Jonathan Swift

Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent.

When a man is disposed to be merry, he should not go to a funeral.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.

The world is a country which nobody ever yet knew by description; one must travel through it one's self to be acquainted with it.

The only way to save your soul is to lose it.

Party is the madness of many for the gain of a few.

A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

The greatest inventions were produced in the times of ignorance; as the use of the compass, gunpowder, and printing.

It is a maxim among these lawyers, that whatever hath been done before may legally be done again: and therefore they take special care to record all the decisions formerly made against common justice and the general reason of mankind.

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.

I have ever hated all nations, professions, and communities, and all my love is towards individuals.

Every man desires to live long, but no man would be old.

The common people are like the sea, and the orators are like the winds; the sea would be calm and quiet if the winds did not trouble it.

Proper words in proper places, make the true definition of a style.

I have been for some years past, and am still, engaged in a project for improving and civilizing the savage inhabitants of this kingdom, by teaching them to eat their children.

The greatest monarch on the proudest throne is obliged to sit upon his own arse.

It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger for an alms.

Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition.

The only difference between a madman and me is that I am not mad.

I am not a lover of mankind, but a lover of individuals.