Lenny Bruce

“I'm not trying to be offensive. I'm trying to be relevant.”

“I'm not trying to be controversial. I'm trying to be honest.”

“I'm not trying to be popular. I'm trying to be real.”

“I'm not trying to be politically correct. I'm trying to be funny.”

“I'm not trying to be a role model. I'm trying to be myself.”

“I'm not trying to be offensive. I'm trying to be thought-provoking.”

“I'm not trying to be a provocateur. I'm trying to be an artist.”

“I'm not trying to be a revolutionary. I'm trying to be a comedian.”

“I'm not trying to be a philosopher. I'm trying to be a human being.”

“I'm not trying to be a guru. I'm trying to be a clown.”

“I'm not trying to be a saint. I'm trying to be a sinner.”

If you believe in God, you're a believer. If you don't, you're an infidel. If you don't know, you're an agnostic. If you don't give a damn, you're an atheist. If you don't know and you don't give a damn, you're a philosopher.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul will grow sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.

Every day, people are dying. They're not dying because they're old, they're not dying because they're sick, they're dying because they're bored.

A lot of people think I'm a dirty comedian. I'm not a dirty comedian. I'm a comedian who talks about dirty things.

I'm not trying to be shocking. I'm just trying to be honest.

If you live in a society where the truth is illegal, then you're a criminal.

The only thing that's consistent in life is inconsistency.

I'm not a role model. I'm a warning.

The world is a joke. The only way to survive is to laugh at it.