"I've got a lot of tattoos. Some of them I regret. Some of them I don't even remember getting."

"I'm just trying to make it through the day without doing anything too stupid."

"I'm not a very good carpenter. I can't even hammer a nail straight."

"I'm not a very good role model. I'm just me."

"I once drank an entire bottle of cognac and then tried to strangle Sharon. I don't know why."