"Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason."

"I am not a man of means, but I am a man of ends."

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

"I have made an important discovery... that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication."

"I never approve of anything. If one can't be brilliant, one should at least be confused."