"One of the really bad things you can do to your writing is to dress up the vocabulary, looking for long words because you're maybe a little bit ashamed of your short ones."

"Reading is the creative center of a writer's life."

"You know it's funny you should say that, because I was just thinking the other day, isn't it weird, your own farts smell better than anybody else's."

"We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones."

"It's more blessed to give than receive, Conan."