Life: we laugh and laugh, then cry and cry, then feebler laugh, then die.
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, humorist
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"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
Strange & Unusual"The human being is a machine. An automatic machine. It does not reason. It merely acts upon the impulse of the moment."
Strange & Unusual"I was educated once, but it didn't take."
Controversial"I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet."
Strange & Unusual"There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you're interrupting."
Humorous