"I've had some kinky sex. I have tried drugs through the younger years of my life."

"First thing I'm going to do is go to 7-Eleven and get a pack of marble lights."

"Jeff conned everyone because he's jealous. He's a little man with a little dick… and a limp and he's bald and he's got to pay everyone to have sex with him."

"I'm a man of many talents, and I'm not afraid to show them off."

"I'm not a criminal. I'm an animal lover."