"I bought a used car once that was in perfect condition. It had only been driven by a little old lady to church on Sundays. The only trouble was, she was a professional race car driver."

"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."

"You know, a fellow told me that he was a Republican for 20 years. I asked him, 'What changed your mind?' He said, 'I saw the light.' Then I asked, 'What was the light?' He said, 'The flame of the burn…"

"Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

"The future belongs to the free."