"Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money."

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

"You know, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I'm from an entirely different solar system where we just communicate by throwing cheese at each other."

"I'm a big believer in the power of positive thinking."

"You could talk about oral sex in this town and people would nod wisely and say, ‘Well, that’s an alternative lifestyle.’ But talk about nuclear power and they’d burn your house down."