Mark Twain

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.

Honesty is the best policy—when there is money in it.

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it because it was forbidden.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government when it deserves it.

All say, 'How hard it is that we have to die'—a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.

The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

The finest clothing made is a person's skin, but, of course, society demands something more than that.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.

The human race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon: laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can only cut into the outer layer of things and leave the core untouched. Laughter is the one weapon that can penetrate the core and make it ache.

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

The world is a wheel, and it will all come round right.

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.