Albert Sabin

I've come to the conclusion that the only thing constant in life is change, and my inability to find my keys.

My brain is like a browser with 100 tabs open, all of them playing different music.

I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist with a healthy dose of cynicism.

The only thing I've ever truly mastered is the art of procrastination.

I believe in miracles, but I also believe in a good backup plan.

The only thing I've learned from history is that people never learn from history.

I'm not saying I'm a control freak, but if you're going to do something, do it my way.

The only thing more frustrating than trying to explain something to someone who doesn't want to understand is trying to explain it to someone who thinks they already do.

My spirit animal is a sloth. A very sarcastic sloth.

I've always found that the best way to get someone to agree with you is to let them think it was their idea all along.

The only thing I'm allergic to is mornings.

I'm not saying I'm a know-it-all, but I do have a lot of opinions, and they're usually right.

The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to complain about things that don't really matter.

My therapist told me to embrace my flaws. So I gave them a hug.

I've often thought that the universe is just one big cosmic joke, and we're all the punchline.

The only thing I'm good at is being bad at things.

I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I do have a knack for making things more complicated than they need to be.

The only thing I've ever truly regretted is not having a bigger slice of cake.

I believe in the power of a good nap. It solves most problems, or at least postpones them.

The only thing I've ever truly understood is that I don't understand anything.