Jonathan Swift

Argument is the worst of all instruments for the discovery of truth.

I never saw, hear, nor read, that the clergy were beloved in any nation where Christianity was the religion of the country.

It is a maxim that a man who has made his fortune, may do what he pleases.

I am not for imposing any thing on the clergy, but for leaving them to their own discretion.

It is computed, that eleven thousand persons have at several times suffered death, rather than submit to break their eggs at the smaller end.

The greatest happiness of the greatest number.

But as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England.

I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for ever.

The want of proper food in this kingdom is a topic so trite, that few people care to talk of it, for fear of being thought to have nothing new to say.

I calculate that the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcase of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich.

And it is to be hoped that no gentleman will be so uncivil as to refuse to dine upon a child who has been so well fattened.

For what the world calls virtue, is but a compound of vices.

The commonest things are the most useful.

It is a miserable thing to be a man of sense in a country where the generality of the people are fools.

The only way to retrieve the credit of the nation, is to pay off the public debts.

If a man would do good, he must be able to bear evil.

It is impossible for a man to be cheated by any one but himself.

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Instead of dirt and poison we have rather chosen to fill our hives with honey and wax; thus furnishing mankind with the two noblest of things, which are sweetness and light.