"If you ever have a problem, just remember: you're not alone."

"When in doubt, go for the dick joke."

"The only thing I ever learned in school was that if you want to be popular, you have to be funny."

"You don't know about real loss 'cause it's only when you love something more than you love yourself that you can know it."

"The only good thing about being famous is that you can get a table in a crowded restaurant."