"If you believe in God, you're a believer. If you don't, you're an infidel. If you don't know, you're an agnostic. If you don't give a damn, you're an atheist. If you don't know and you don't give a da…"

"A lot of people think I'm a dirty comedian. I'm not. I'm a clean comedian. I just talk about dirty things."

"“I'm not a dirty comic. I'm an honest comic.”"

"The only thing that's consistent in life is inconsistency."

"“I'm not trying to be controversial. I'm trying to be honest.”"