"I always wondered why white folks got a KKK and black folks got the NAACP. I said, 'Shit, we need a KKK. Kill, Kill, Kill!'"

"I was a virgin till I was 20. I didn't lose my virginity, I know exactly where I left it."

"My father used to beat me with a hose. And he'd say, 'This is for your own good!' I said, 'No, it's not! It's for your pleasure!'"

"I lost my virginity in the back of a car. It wasn't romantic. It was just... fast."

"I got in a fight with my wife. She said, 'You're not a man!' I said, 'I'm a man! I got a penis!' She said, 'Yeah, but it's not working!'"