"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

"When angry count to four; when very angry, swear."

"If you don't read a newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read it, you are misinformed."

"If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks."

"The greatest of all inventions is the invention of man."