"If you don't read a newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read it, you are misinformed."

"I was born with a reading habit, and it's a good thing, because it's the only habit I've ever had that hasn't cost me money."

"It is a solemn thought that at the very moment when the new baby is born, the old baby is dying."

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."

"Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can."