"I saw something even more beautiful than a sense of humor: an appreciation for life's essential absurdity."

"I make all this shit up and people pay me. It's great, you know, thank you. All right so you guys put my kids through college and I scared the shit out of you while I was doing it. It's terrific. It's…"

"He leaned forward, like an English butler taking a bow and threw up on his shoes."

"Description begins in the writer's imagination, but should finish in the reader's."

"The first duty of a novelist is to entertain. If you don't entertain, then all the deeper stuff is lost."