"You have this one life. How do you want to live it? Do you want to look back and say, 'I wish I had,' or 'I'm glad I did'?"

"Being a comedian is like being a superhero. You have to save people from boredom."

"I'm an American. I come from a country where we have the right to remain silent... we just don't have the ability."

"Why do they call it a 'walk' when you're running?"

"Being a celebrity is like being a character actor in a movie that's always on."