"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' optimistic."

"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"

"Here's a thought for you: What if all the people who believe in heaven and hell are both wrong? What if there's just... nothing? Imagine the look on their faces!"

"I'm not a guru. I'm just a guy who likes to give advice."