"Women can’t joke about sex. They can joke about love, but if they joke about sex, they’re whores."

"I'm a comedian. My job is to make people laugh. And if I can make 'em think, too, that's a bonus."

"A lie is profanity. A lie is the worst thing in the world. Art is the ability to tell the truth."

"I'm not a terrorist. I just want to blow things up."

"Jail ain't so bad. You can make it in jail. It's like being in the Army, but the people in jail shot back."