"My doctor told me I had to stop smoking. I said, 'Why? Am I gonna die?' He said, 'No, you're just gonna smell bad.'"

"I’m for anything that gets you through the night—be it prayer, tranquilizers, or a bottle of Jack Daniels."

"I love women. I just don't understand 'em."

"The black groups that boycott certain films would do better to get the money together to make the films they want to see, or stay in church and leave us to our work."

"They always say the black man has a hard-on in the courtroom. That's why they always say, 'All rise.'"