"If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be—a Christian."

"Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it."

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

"I have a perfectly trained conscience, and it is a great comfort to me. It never bothers me in any way."

"I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name."