"I never understood why when you died, you didn't just vanish, everything should just keep going on the way it was only you just wouldn't be there."

"I had a lot of dates, but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows."

"I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say 'figment'."

"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

"Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details."