"You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense, neither is this girl. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."

"I love my wife, but sometimes I want to take a picture of her and send it to the police with a caption: 'Have you seen this woman? She's driving me crazy!'"

"I love to drink wine. Why? Because it makes me feel fancy. I know nothing about wine. I don't even know the difference between a Beaujolais and a chardonnay. I just know that I like my wine like I lik…"

"If women ran the world, there would be no wars, just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other."

"The only way to deal with life is to laugh at it."