I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
"An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency."
"I was educated once, but it didn't take."
"I have been a great many things in my life, but I have never been a hypocrite."
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