I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"I am not an American. I am a Missourian."
American humorist and inventor of the American vernacular novel; author of Huckleberry Finn (1884) and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Closely associated with William Dean Howells (his close friend, editor, and 'Dean of American Letters') and Bret Harte (early collaborator on Western frontier humor). For an intellectual contrast, see Mary Baker Eddy, founder of the Christian Science movement — Twain's Christian Science (1907) is a 200-page sustained polemic against Eddy's claims of supernatural healing — the longest sustained attack of his career.
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