I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.
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"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong."
"Why do they say 'break a leg' when you're about to go on stage? Why not 'break an arm'? Or 'break a nose'? It's always a leg."
"The only thing that's worse than being alone is being with someone who makes you feel alone."
"I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample and there was an olive in it."
"Comedy is acting out optimism."
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