"You're only as good as your last joke. And sometimes, your last joke is a really bad one."

"You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense, neither is this girl. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."

"Being a celebrity is like being a character actor in a movie that's always on."

"I was a very shy kid. I was always in my own head. I was always making up characters and doing voices."

"God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to send to both at the same time."