"The only good thing about being famous is that you can get a table in a crowded restaurant."

"You know, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I'm from an entirely different solar system where we just communicate by throwing cheese at each other."

"I'm a big fan of making people laugh. It's the best feeling in the world."

"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."

"I think if you're going to be a comedian, you have to be fearless."