"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is a…"

"I'm not a fan of anything that requires me to get out of bed before noon."

"All my best words are those that I stole from other people."

"When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion..."

"I love it when people say, 'I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual.' That's like saying, 'I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat meat.'"