"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"I'm not a comedian. I'm a social critic. I'm a philosopher. I'm a poet. I'm a writer. I'm a performer. I'm an artist. I'm a human being. I'm a man. I'm a man of constant sorrow, and I'm a man of const…"

"I love it when people say, 'I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual.' That's like saying, 'I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat meat.'"

"I was thinking about the immortal words of Archimedes, 'Give me a lever and a place to stand, and I will move the world.' So, I built a lever, but I couldn't find a place to stand. I decided to move t…"

"If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders."