"You know, you're only as good as your last joke."

"The only thing I ever learned in school was that if you want to be popular, you have to be funny."

"I'm not a method actor. I'm a 'what do I do now?' actor."

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"I think the only way to survive in this business is to have a sense of humor."