"I'm not a guru. I'm just a guy who likes to give advice."

"The government is lying to you. They always have been. They always will be. And you're still falling for it."

"I'm not a megalomaniac. I just want to rule the world."

"On Election Day, I stay home. Two reasons: first of all, voting is meaningless; this country was bought and paid for a long time ago. That empty shit they shuffle around and repackage every four years…"

"People who are in favor of the death penalty, I don't know why they're so upset about people getting out of jail. It's like, let's kill 'em all! Get 'em out of here! Then we'll have more room for the …"