"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"

"Feminists say that men are a bunch of pigs. Well, I don't know about that, but I do know that pigs are pretty smart animals. So, maybe that's a compliment?"

"I'm not a narcissist. I just think I'm better than everyone else."

"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist. I just happen to believe that reality is a dark, depressing, and ultimately meaningless place."

"I'm not a fan of modern anything. I think it's all just a bunch of people who are trying to be new, but they're just repeating the same old mistakes."