George Carlin — "I'm not a doctor. I'm just a guy who likes to heal."

"I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"I think I've found the one thing in life that I'm really good at, and that's being a loudmouth."

"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."

"I'm not saying I'm better than you. I'm just saying I'm better than you at being me."

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is and to cross it deliberately."