George Carlin — "I'm not a visionary. I'm just a guy who sees things before other people do."

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"

"I'm a little freaked out by the number of people who don't seem to notice the difference between 'you're' and 'your.' It's like, there's a huge difference, people!"

"I'm not a bitter person. I'm just a person who sees things for what they are."

"Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language and is generally stupid."

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is a…"