I'm sorry, I don't do drug jokes anymore... I mean, why should I make drug jokes? Drugs aren't funny... I mean, look what they did to Belushi... and that's not funny... that's not funny... I mean, the guy was dead... that's not funny... That's not funny... unless you knew him.
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"The only thing I ever learned in school was that if you want to be popular, you have to be funny."
"I'm not a politician, I'm an entertainer."
"I believe in the power of laughter. I believe in the power of love. I believe in the power of kindness."
"I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample and there was an olive in it."
"I love my wife, but sometimes I want to take a picture of her and send it to the police with a caption: 'Have you seen this woman? She's driving me crazy!'"
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