I love my wife, but sometimes I want to take a picture of her and send it to the police with a caption: 'Have you seen this woman? She's driving me crazy!'
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"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."
"Being a child is a lot like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you."
"I'm a big fan of being spontaneous. I think it's the best way to live."
"You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense, neither is this girl. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."
"Comedy is acting out optimism."
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