The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real. I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle.
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"Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn't carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots …"
"It's a good idea to remember that whenever you are at any point in time, you are at a point in time, and you're not at the end of time."
"What's the difference between Trump's cabinet and a cactus? With a cactus, all the pricks are on the outside. Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress."
"Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty."
"My newest horror story: Once upon a time there was a man named Donald Trump, and he ran for president. Some people wanted him to win."
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