They say only two things are certain: death and taxes. I say there's three: death, taxes, and when you're in a hurry, there's always some old guy in front of you driving 20 miles under the speed limit.
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"I just want to leave a good mark. I want to make people happy."
"I started doing stand-up in San Francisco. I'd go to open mic nights, and I'd just be a total mess. I'd be so nervous, I'd shake."
"I don't do jokes about Michael Jackson anymore. I'm afraid he might come after me in his pajamas."
"You got to be crazy to be in this business."
"Being a celebrity is like being a character actor in a movie that's always on."
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