"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"The very first thing I noticed when I was a little kid was that the grown-ups were full of shit. And they're still full of shit. And they still think they're not."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"

"I'm not a leader. I'm just a guy who has a lot of followers."