"The greatest country in the world, and we're letting it go to the dogs."

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

"I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say."

"Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid."

"I have opinions of my own — strong opinions — but I don't always agree with them."