"If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary."

"A lot of people say, 'Well, I'm not into politics.' Well, politics is into you."

"I was thinking about the immortal words of Archimedes, 'Give me a lever and a place to stand, and I will move the world.' So, I built a lever, but I couldn't find a place to stand. I decided to move t…"

"I love people. I just can't stand their company."

"Here's a thought for you: What if all the people who believe in heaven and hell are both wrong? What if there's just... nothing? Imagine the look on their faces!"