"I'm a modern man. I've got a cell phone, a laptop, and I'm still trying to figure out how to work the damn remote control."

"I'm not a role model. I'm a warning."

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"

"When you're born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front-row seat."

"I'm not a sociopath. I just don't care about other people's feelings."