"I'm not a misanthrope. I'm a misanthrope-in-training. I'm working on it. I'm getting there."

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"Murder. The fifth commandment. But if you think about it...if you think about it, religion has never really had a problem with murder. Not really. No, more people have been killed in the name of God t…"

"The very first time I got arrested, I was 20. I was with Jack Burns, a comedy partner of mine. We were arrested in a nightclub in Fort Worth, TX. We were doing a routine called 'The Indian Story' whic…"

"I'm not a cynical person. I'm just a person who's seen a lot of shit."