"I'm a big fan of making people laugh. It's the best feeling in the world."

"The only thing I ever learned in school was that if you want to be popular, you have to be funny."

"When in doubt, go for the dick joke."

"I'm not a politician, I'm an entertainer."

"You don't know about real loss 'cause it's only when you love something more than you love yourself that you can know it."