George Carlin — "I think I've found the one thing in life that I'm really good at, and that's bei…"

"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."

"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job …"

"I'm a collector of words. I'm a word nerd. I love words. I love how they sound, how they look, how they feel, how they taste. I love how they make me think, how they make me feel, how they make me lau…"

"That's why I like earthquakes. They're big. They're powerful. They're unpredictable. They don't give a shit about you. They don't give a shit about your house. They don't give a shit about your car. T…"

"I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas."