George Carlin — "I'm not a savior. I'm just a guy who's trying to help people."

"I'm not a messiah. I'm just a guy who's trying to save the world."

"I'm a collector of words. I'm a word nerd. I love words. I love how they sound, how they look, how they feel, how they taste. I love how they make me think, how they make me feel, how they make me lau…"

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is a…"

"I'm not a legend. I'm just a guy who's been around for a long time."

"I don't vote. On Election Day, I stay home. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Now, some people like to twist that around and say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right …"