George Carlin — "I'm not an anarchist. I just don't believe in government."

"The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity."

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is a…"

"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?"

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that."

"The very first thing I noticed when I was a little kid was that the grown-ups were full of shit. And they're still full of shit. And they still think they're not."