Humorous Sayings

My name is President.

I only fear God, and my wife – sometimes.

You have so many computers, why don't you use them in the search for love?

If there were fish in the lake, fishing would make no sense.

I leaped over a wall and they made me president.

Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.

Modern man must descend the spiral of his own absurdity to the lowest point; only then can he look beyond it. It is obviously impossible to get around it, jump over it, or simply avoid it.

Drama assumes an order. If only so that it might have—by disrupting that order—a way of surprising.

I really do inhabit a system in which words are capable of shaking the entire structure of government, where words can prove mightier than ten military divisions.

Follow the man who seeks the truth; run from the man who has found it.

Sometimes I wonder if suicides aren't in fact sad guardians of the meaning of life.

The only thing I can recommend at this stage is a sense of humor, an ability to see things in their ridiculous and absurd dimensions, to laugh at others and at ourselves, a sense of irony regarding everything that calls out for parody in this world. …

There's always something suspect about an intellectual on the winning side.

We may be surprised at the people we find in heaven. God has a soft spot for sinners. His standards are quite low.

I would not worship a God who is homophobic and that is how deeply I feel about this. I would refuse to go to a homophobic heaven. No, I would say sorry, I mean I would much rather go to the other place. I am as passionate about this campaign as I ev…

If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.

Religion is like a knife: you can either use it to cut bread, or stick in someone's back.

Resentment and anger are bad for your blood pressure and your digestion.

He has a childlike, boyish, impish, mischievousness. And I have to try and make him behave properly, like a holy man!

There is nothing more difficult than waking someone who is only pretending to be asleep.